John is very easy to piss off. For me. Not for others. ‘Cause I know his triggers. He also knows mine. Grrr.
Because there is a high probability that you will bump into him one day and as pissing him off is a world-saving action, I will hereby give you some hints how to achieve that.
Bakery: For starters let’s talk about how to tease him. When you will be in a bakery together because you have asked him to drive you there and help you buy a birthday cake for a friend of yours, strike. The bakery is empty, shortly before closing, you didn’t pick an order number, yet, because you first want to check out what they have but the bakery girl is helpful enough to urge your order. Your order from John. And she starts pushing him: ‘What would you like?’, ‘May I help you?’, ‘What will you have?’. It may not be so profound right now that it will be easy to tease him, but think. The whole attention of the empty bakery is on John and he doesn’t like that. You are, of course, pretending to be invisible. How you recognize he doesn’t like the attention? He starts shaking his body forward and back, something like dancing to ‘I like to move it, move it!’, he gets red on his cheeks and it gradually spreads to his whole face. This is your moment. You totally ignore his willingness to spend some of his time to help you, drive you, advice you, you show no respect for that and you start imitating his dance and then you ask him ‘What’s up, John? You can’t talk?’
Now the real stuff. How to piss him off.
Change his identity: We are getting to the real juice here. John has grown up in a very tolerant country when it comes to diversity of people where LGBT is not a big issue. Everybody here lives in peace and understanding (Ok, except for the nationalists that are much in fashion all around Europe right now but I won’t go into that. John is our centre of attention.). For some unexplanable reason, though, John doesn’t like to be called gay. Maybe because he’s not. So when you realize John hasn’t been dating any girl for a longer period of time, strike. Go, sit next to him like you want to find out how he is, start asking caring questions seriously and when you have achieved closeness, switch to your real intention and tell him ‘You are gay!’ and start laughing so he can clearly understand that the whole past 10 minutes of your interest have only been a sneaky strategy to piss him off. He will chase you all around his apartment in a Madagascar move it-move it style and squeeze you once he’s got you.
Good luck pissing off,